I don't blog like I should, uncertain which thoughts are too personal to share and which are too trivial... But if I did blog about today, this is what I would say:

Today is my last day at the VA. I was the last one to leave the team room and it made me sad turning off the light and walking away for the last time this year... All the mornings I walked into that room so dark except for the floating 'windows' sign on the three computers side by side, a long wooden table deceptively clean of dust and clutter... until I turn on the light. The next time I see my team, it will be a hurried hello and goodbye while breezing past each in the hallway. Nevertheless, I will remember... how I counted on them to make me laugh every single day this month.

This has been an especially hard month, for reasons DEFINITELY too personal to recount here. If not for my co-workers, I would have put my head down and cried over my computer many many times. Even so, it was still hard to swirl out of the chair and work with a clean slate of mind. Some days I put on my white coat with decided determination -- I WILL not let this affect my work. I will NOT let this strain my smile in the morning.

I've been here before... walking away and leaving the door ajar. Last time I had to turn back and slam the door. Only then can I let time heal, as only time could. BUT, that was then, this is now. I am THAT much more mature, that much more aware, that much more appreciative of the special people in my life. Friends I have, laughter I can find, but that special connection, no matter in what form, is still rare and hard to come by. To shut the door on that? I can't do it... not yet.

Julie and Julia is lovely!!! So lovely that my best friend and I will be attempting the boeuf bourguignon this week. Of course I will be blogging about that. :)