I almost bought a house today.

"Almost"... as in I got on the phone with a realtor, asked around about the interest rate, calculated some down payments, looked at floor plans, and seriously tried to imagine myself the owner of a piece of land (plus more).

As it turns out, my soon to be new city does not have a good rental market at all, esp close to the hospital. My friend, who was so damn determined to live in the same apt complex with me, was there for 2 hours before she called a realtor and bought a house in ONE day. She said to me -- I suggest you do the same. Simple as that... like buying a windbreaker. She couldn't begin to understand (and I can't begin to explain to her) how UNprepared I am to buy a house. It's not even about the lack of money in my bank account, or that I've only spend 48 hours in the city, or that I've never even paid for my own electricity let alone a mortgage...

No... it's not about that about all. It's about the deep unsettled feeling of dread that I am sure is what people refer to as the 6th sense. It's about needing to know that I am, still, free and unattached. It's about knowing that I am not ready to be attached... to a house... to a city... before I find someone special to share that house and city with. It's about not tearing down my back up plan-- when times get really bad I can always say to myself, it's only three years. I don't need a lawn and real neighbors and extra bedrooms to remind me that I own more than a kitchen aid in my new city

Also, when I do buy a house, I want to be over the moon excited, not feel like someone just enlisted me on death row...

To make a long story short, I am not buying. I talked to people and lined up a couple of places to look. If there is anything I have more of now than one month ago, it is faith. I have no doubt that things will work out just fine.