Somethings stay the same...

... and yet, are forever different.

I have quite a busy 2016 ahead of me.  Trips, both with husband and with girlfriends, are pencilled into my calendar.  Highlighted and double underlined.  I even made a last minute commitment to go to Wyoming in one impulse morning.  On the surface, it seems that I am one busy mama that still has her independence.  But close to the surface are bubbling doubts and worries that I will be leaving my little baby behind.

Somethings look the same because Olivia goes to daycare so on my days off, I can still go to the gym, go shopping, cook, clean... Also my mom is flexible enough to come watch the baby for weeks at a time, so my husband and I can sneak away for an extended trip that otherwise wouldn't be possible.  BUT, let me tell you, there is not a moment of these "alone" times that I don't think about O.  Even cycling at the gym, I have my phone close by in case her school calls me.  One time I hopped off a cycling bike so fast in the middle of class I almost passed out.

My point it, I'm not the same.  I will never be the same again.  It is better to know it, recognize it, and slowly learn to accept it...

Easter 2016.  One week shy of 14 months. 

On transitions...

Last week, Olivia started her transition into a new classroom (sweet peas).  I have been choked up and emotional about the whole thing.  My baby has been in her first classroom since she was five months old.  But... I have heard that changes are part of life... so she (and I) put on our brave faces and hoped for the best.  All was ok until Friday...

I went to pick her up with my mom, unsure if the Easter egg hunt was already over.  We didn't expect all the parents there, did I miss the memo??  I was actually surprised that she was willing to sit around the table with all the other kids and she actually looked happy for a few minutes.  My mom and I tried to take pictures of her from every angle, looking so big and so small at the same time.  It made me sad she was in a Christmas shirt when all the other kids had on their cute bunny outfit.  The situation got even sadder when the other babies were literally stuffing their faces and my baby doesn't even want to touch the cake.  But what really broke me was when I went to get her bib, the cubby hole with her name on it had another kid's stuff!  I asked the teacher and she said - oh I just got here I don't know.  I went to her old classroom to get a bib and just broke down in front of her old teacher.  I mean sobbed, uncontrollably.  I'm pretty sure I was hiccuping from crying.

Eventually I pulled myself together and went to get her.  Wiped her little face and brought her home.  I don't think she was half as disturbed by the situation as I was.  I don't know if the teacher or other parents can tell how traumatized I was.  But I definitely didn't make any mommy friends...

Transitions are hard, especially for me. 

A little table of cuteness.  Olivia is definitely the smallest and I'm sure the only one with no teeth....

A non-baby post

I have been listening to my favorite blogger hollywood housewife on podcast these days.  Her voice isn't quite what I expected, but her words are.  I am quite a fan and have downloaded all the episodes with her in them.  It's called Sorta Awesome and that's how I feel about her.  

She was asked what is the one thing she is crazy about, can't stop talking/won't stop talking about, and she said blogging.  I find that a bit odd since she has quit blogging a few months back.  I still check the page from time to time just to see if she has changed her mind.  So far, nope.  

http://www.hollywoodhousewife.com

Ok enough about her, more about me. 

I'm up to absolutely nothing these days.  Trying to enjoy motherhood, consciously telling myself to chill, and trying to put the breaks on buying things for Olivia.  There is a nonstop... oh wait, this post is NOT about her. 

I have TWO weddings coming up and two occasions to get dolled up.  Apart of me want to splurge on a new dress, another part of me wants to re-wear my San Francisco city hall dress.   This Alberta Ferretti number may be the only thing that I still cannot fit into, post baby.  It's doubtful I will ever be able to wear it as comfortably.  Such is life. 

Out and About

At almost 13 months, Olivia has not ventured very far from home.  She isn't the best car rider and her parents are very anxious about public displays of foolishness.  Slowly, we have gone on a few adventures with her, the furthest being IKEA (exactly 45min away).  Next weekend however we are planning to visit the grandparents, FIVE hours away.  

Olivia loves sitting in the buggy and being pushed around.  Her wispy hair stands up straight against the draft and she giggles and holds on to the handlebar.  

 Whereas it's my favorite part of going to Ikea, Olivia was not very impressed by the spread.  I had high hopes for mashed potatoes but nope... not grandma's chicken. 

Sunny walk around our neighborhood.

Visiting daddy at his office.  The long car ride (and the foolish crying) tired her out. 

Shopping with mommy in matching red shoes!