Olivia at 21 Months...

Monkey Do, as we sometimes call her, is at that age when everyday I look at her and say to myself - please don't get any bigger, all the while envious of moms with kids that can 1) sleep on their own 2) pee on their own 3) won't endanger themselves when left on their own.

21 months bring Fall, long awaited cool weather.  Olivia loves taking (short) walks where she points to the ground, to the trees, to the barking neighbor's dog.  She picks up random leaves on the ground and the OCD in me has to remind myself not to stop her.  Her hair is long enough to brush against her eyes, and I happily slip a bow in there when she is not looking.

One night, as I lay in bed waiting for her to fall asleep, I felt a meaty little finger on my eye and a little voice saying Ai.  Then she pointed to my nose and said No.  Oh the kisses that followed.  My baby even knows shoulder and toes, thanks to her favorite song.  She loves post bath singing and tells me exactly what she wants to hear by veto-ing everything else with "no ma ma" until I sing the right song.  Something else she says that makes me swoon - thank you.  She says it with puckered lips like it's one word.  Gets me every time.

She runs everywhere now and it fills my heart with joy.  Especially when she runs toward me and wraps her arms around my legs.  It is rare that I don't pick her up and smother that face and neck with kisses.

Things I'm trying to teach her - colors and how to count.  Reminding myself to be patient, that once upon a time I was worried sick she wouldn't walk.  Look at her now.

Lately

I am knee deep in several podcasts and am a better person because of it.

First of all - In the Dark- APM reports.  Ever since Serial Season 1, I have been looking for another gripping true crime investigative report to listen to.  Thank you Kelly of Sorta Awesome for recommending it, an example of how one great podcast can lead you to finding other great podcasts.

It is a quick listen.  Nine episodes, about 30 min each.  It is about a kidnapping case that captivated the country, yet was never solved until this year.  Every episode filled me with dread, sadness, and anger, as only true crime stories can.  I'm starting to think the only crimes they actually solve are the fiction ones!  Very enlightening about crimes in this country and the people in charge of solving them.

Then there is This American Life, which I do not listen to on the drive to work because nine out of ten times it makes me boo hoo.  Episode #597: One Last Thing Before I Go - is one I started to listen to about one month ago and have not had the ability to finish.  I cry so hard I literally have to pause so I can see the road and drive home.  The episodes have different Acts, or stories, that all follow one theme.  I'm still on Act One - a story about a real phone booth in Japan that people use to talk to their loved ones they lost in the 2011 tsunami and earthquake.  The phone is not connected to anything, but it faces the ocean and the wind, and people travel from afar to talk to the ones they lost.  Sometimes it is one lone person, sometimes is a whole family.  Often they dial a number and even say hello.  The conversations are heart-wrenchingly real and private.  Simple words that are profound in the all the things they say and don't say.  One day I will sit in a corner of my house and finish it with a box of tissues.  Then I will pick up my own phone and call my own lost ones that I miss every day.  Every minute of every day.

Lastly I have been loving the new serials of Smartest Person in the Room, by my favorite Hollywood Housewife.  I miss her blog all the time, and sometimes clicks on the link just to make sure it's not revived.  In the meantime, I learn so much from episode one of the religions series.  Few things confuse me or fascinate me more.

Up next - Making Oprah.  Can. Not. Wait.

Fall 2016

So far this fall, I have indulged in exactly two tall spice pumpkin latte's from Starbucks.  Both amazing, exactly what I wanted them to be - warm, comforting, pumpkin-y.

So far this fall, I discovered a dire shortage of long sleeve shirts.  So in the past two days, I purchased three tops and one vest.  All Anthropologie. 

So far this fall, I have been outdoors more than any other fall to recent memory.  Mostly because this is the first fall that I am a mom to an active toddler!  I want her to smell and soak in my favorite time of the year.

So far this fall, we have been to the aquarium and pumpkin patch.  We are looking forward to Halloween (although I will be working and may miss some/all of her tricker treating).  Olivia can say pumpkin on demand and points to them with mouth and eyes round with excitement. 

I have been looking ahead to fall the entire torrid summer.  So far, this fall does not disappoint. 

Olivia M. Do at 20 months

At 20 months... Olivia had her first real incident at school.  I will just cut/paste what I wrote to a friend regarding this event, since I really can't bring myself to talk about it again...

So ... finally... on Tuesday I drove to pick up Olivia.  Looking forward to finally having Wednesday off to run errands and getting bubble tea.  I just listened to the last minute of the Abdi episode and was emotional from that.  I go to Olivia's class and she is sitting all by herself on a chair with a book surrounded by her peers.  I think... oh that's cute... she is reading to them.  She turns her little face towards me and it's all scratched up!!  Three gashes on the side her face!  The teacher says to me, nonchalantly, Olivia got in a fight with a kid over a toy and got scratched.  I ask - who is this kid... scowling the room for another bloody baby (saw none).  She tells me - oh we are not allowed to say.  

Well at this point I was so sad/angry/pissed I just grab my baby and leave.  She tries to tell me goodbye and have a good day and make me sign a incident report, all the time I make no eye contact, say no word, try to look as pissed off as my RBF will allow.  I storm into the director's office (she isn't there, only the assistant) and burst into tears.  I tell her how angry I am.  Both she and Olivia look at me with wide eyes.  I blubber for a few min (getting nowhere because a. she isn't in charge and b. she has no idea without happens, and c. she isn't allowed to tell me which kid it is).  I storm out, still crying... parents/other kids/Olivia all look at me.  I don't care.  I hug my baby in the back of the car for a full 5 min, like she was just rescued from a building in Aleppo.  I drive home and call steve, my bff, my dad, crying some more.  Only person just as pissed off as me is my dad, who demands to know how the teacher could have let this happen.... what kid of wild animal would hurt his sweet grand baby... will i ever let her go back to school... all good questions.

To make a long story short, Olivia goes back to school the next day.  I have a big meeting with director and owner and they say all the right things to assure me.  Olivia's face is still red but seems to be healing...

my baby's face, freshly assaulted...

Olivia seems to be unaffected.  It's mostly me who is constantly peeking a the scratch, examine redness/depth/potential for scarring.

So continues my love/hate relationship with daycare.  Two days have passed and I can almost convince myself that this is "normal" and that i may have over-reacted.  What was really hard is that Olivia can tell me nothing about what happened, not a word from her side of the story.  That will change, I know.  In the meantime I over-react to compensate. 

Fall is finally here and I have never been so outdoorsy!  I want her to enjoy the beautiful weather, fun freely with wind in her hair, and most importantly... reduce youtube time.  So far we have been doing ok.  Olivia doesn't like slides or swings too much, but loves chasing after (other people's) balls, pointing to dogs, and just walking up to random strangers and say "hi"!

At Lucas's star war themed 4th birthday party!

Meryl dressed Olivia in baby Jedi outfit.  Olivia was not feeling it. 

hahaha

Met a doggie at Roswell park and all is good again.   Olivia pointed to a person on a bike and said "bi-cy-cle".  I almost fainted. 

First trip to the Aquarium with the Penedo Family!

First trip this year to a pumpkin patch!  Auntie Thuy/Uncle Eric came to visit with the babies.  Surprisingly Olivia and Natalie "played" together!

At 20 months, Olivia pretty much blabbers all the time.  Most of it is gibberish.  She imitates everything we do.  She is quite a youtube video junkie (nursery rhythms are her favorite), we're working on that.  Nai Nai is in China for a month with limited FaceTime and yei yei is headed that way soon.  She is finally sleeping BETTER!  That's all I will say about that subject for fear of jinxing it!

19 months...

On Olivia's 19 months birthday, Steve and I went took a trip to Vegas.  She punished us by getting sick as soon as we got back, and has stayed sick (and home) since.  Thank goodness nai nai is here with Olivia.  Not sure what we would have done otherwise.  It seems I don't blog too much about Olivia's sickness, maybe because it's the WORST.  Waking up to a warm potato of a febrile baby in the middle of the night is alarming and frustrating.  She has been doing so well for about 2 months now... illness free... but deep down I know... it's just a matter of time...

At 19  months, Olivia is VERY intuitive.  She knows when she is being bad and when someone is mad at her.  She cries when I change the tone of my voice and definitely when I reprimand her.  She has been to timeout a couple of times, but ONCE that actually worked.  Since she is one and half, I put her in timeout for about one and half minute.  She cried the WHOLE time, but after I picked her up she calmed herself down and didn't cry anymore.  Wow... i was shocked.  

notice the tiny dot that is my baby in her "timeout" corner.  It was truly a pitiful sight, her hunched over, crying on top of her lungs, tears/snot flying off her face... 

She is walking/running/climbing everywhere.  She imitates everything we say and do.  She loves Elmo which is her favorite word to say, other than "nai nai".  She puckers up and gives kisses freely (when she is in the mood).  Still loves her paci and still sleeps with mommy. :)

18 months...

Olivia at 18 months... sweeter than ever, cuter than ever, and back on the growth chart  (even if it's just skimming the very bottom).

Favorite word to say is more.  Favorite stuffed animal is Peppa the pig.  Favorite thing to watch is Elmo.  Favorite food is rice (Arroz con pollo) and grandma Do's fried shrimp.  Favorite person is nai nai, with mom being a close second.

Olivia has six teeth on top and three on bottom.  I haven't glanced in there in a few days but I think more are popping through.  We are trying to "brush" it everyday as well.

Olivia is walking everywhere and can turn up the speed and break into a little jog.  She tries very hard to jump, with an upward rooting motion without feet actually leaving the ground.  But her favorite is booty shaking dancing... There is nothing quite like it.

little frown face.

Rough (sleep) Patch

One day I will look back through this (baby) blog and see if Olivia has ever been recorded as a good sleeper.  Not that I can remember.  Maybe for a couple days at a time, she gives the impression that sleeping through the night is around the corner, only to prove her hopeful parents wrong.

These days, there is a 2AM alarm cry that can only be quietened by picking her up, cradling her, and walking around the room.  Why oh why Olivia??  What could possibly be ailing you?  Your belly is full, diaper is dry, paci close by... Why won't you go back to sleep?

These are the questions we ask ourselves as we pace... and pace...

Eating Calamari on Friday Fun Night Out.  

Shopping with grandma and parents.  Olivia had a very productive shopping trip that day. 

Slam and Dunk!

At almost 18 months old, Olivia has graduated to the Turtles Class in school.  Every morning, we pass by the Baby Blossoms, the Sweet Peas, and enter the third one -  the Turtles.  This is her first week and there is still quite a bit of tears at drop off.  But mommy and daddy are optimistic that too, shall pass.  Olivia has come a long way since her Sweet Peas days...  

Olivia loves her toy Peppa Piggy, loves to walk around belly in the air, and loves grandma's french fries.  Chick fila chicken nuggets and spaghetti are ok too.

Olivia understands much more than she talks.  Her favorite words are apple, elmo, all done, and dada.  

Olivia's top two teeth buds are coming through.  A wee bit late, but still worth celebrating.  Every time she throws her head back to protest or let out a cry (which is often), I take the opportunity to do a quick survey.  Here is what I see -

Two middle bottom teeth are standing tall.  Crooked, but tall.
A smaller single bottom left tooth next to the middle two is clearly visible.  It seems smaller, so it's not as immediately noticeable.  I patiently wait for its partner, the fourth one on the bottom.  Where is it???
One big molar on the top left has come through.  It seems odd and out of place, but it's very useful to Ollie.  She uses it to crush her calamari and french fry.  I'm told it's not very common for those to come out before the rest.  Olivia the rule breaker.

Two middle top ones are coming through!!  I can feel them!

Soon Olilie will look like a bunny.

Olivia Do at 17 months.  Standing tall.  Looking like a big girl. 

No matter how old I get, leaving my parents' house never gets any easier.  This past July 4th weekend was no exception.  If anything, it was the hardest of all.  This time, I wasn't the only one sad.  My daughter cried in her car seat as soon as we started the car, leaving her nai nai and yei yei behind.  She cried heartbreaking wails until she fell asleep.  I tried to comfort her but was tearing up myself.  It all felt a bit childish.  What 35ish year old woman with a family and baby of her own cries when she leaves her parents' house?

Me.  I suppose nowhere else do I feel more loved, more taken care of, more at home.

Olivia feels the same way.

Birthday cake for yei yei.  

SSI pier.  Olivia's wind blown hair. 

Feeding yei yei crackers.  Olivia loves to share. 

Olivia ate calamari!!  She took them straight off my plate and stuffed them in her mouth.  Who knew.   

Eating McDonald's French Fries for the first time on the drive home.  She ate 5... probably more if I let her. 

Growing pains...

We are having some growing pains.  Olivia, after nearly 16 nearly toothless months (she has only three!), decided to sprout some serious teeth action.  We are talking a mouth full of budding whites.  This may explain the mood swings, the mid night cries, the random feedings, the anorexia bouts... or it may not.  We are taking it a day at a time, living in anticipation of her next tantrum.

In between however, she is cuter than ever.

Oliva at 16.5 months.  Quite the cuddler.

Olivia 16 months

I have been slow in posting updates about my baby because I have been sick in anticipation of her biggest milestone yet- walking!  She has been so on time with the rest of her milestones that this elusive me kept me up at night.  She happily crawled everywhere. Moseyed along when holding on to couch edges, benches, our hands... but never on her own.  Even though I know she knows that she can do it!  I tell myself it's good we have a cautious baby on our hands but deep down the sight of other wobbling toddlers make me pine for the sight of my little baby wobbling about as well.

Then finally 6/13/2016, two days past her 16 months birthday, she took two steps towards her daddy.  Two small steps for Olivia, two giant steps for her parents.

Olivia at 15.5 months. 

Tears and Emotions... and podcasts

I have been listening to a lot of podcasts recently.  Specifically Modern Love and This American Life seem to inspire and move me in a tangible way.  Often I'm driving down streets boohooing my eyes out.  It is embarrassing and cathartic.  The stories on adoption have inspired me to not take a second with Olivia for granted.  To know how lucky I am, how insignificant the little inconveniences are, and appreciate that life is richer and more meaningful because of them.

http://www.wbur.org/2016/04/13/my-first-lesson-in-motherhood-modern-love

http://www.wbur.org/2016/01/28/not-so-simple-math-modern-love

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/585/in-defense-of-ignorance

Time Away

Olivia is spending her first long stretch of time away from me.  Two weeks to be exact.  S and I are going to Vancouver and Olivia is spending quality time with her grandparents.  When typed out in complete sentences, it doesn't seem so illogical or crazy of an idea.  I keep telling myself of my own upbringing with the grandparents and look how well I turned out!

I don't think this little monkey misses me at all.

Tomorrow, she will be 14 months old.  She won't be home with me, I try not to dwell on that point.  Instead, let's focus on all the things she is trying to do!

- Loves playing hide and seek!  Her little chubby hands would cover her face while she flashes the little dimpled smile.  Then the giggle, oh the giggle. 

- She knows where her nose is and where her ear is.  Sometimes when we say 'where is your head' she tugs on her ear too.  

- She has been doing this for awhile but she makes faces!  We say 'make a face ohhhhh' and she squints her entire face and pouts up her lips.  It's especially cute when she does it to herself when looking into a mirror.

- At 13 months old, her first two teeth buds came in.  It is the cutest thing ever and it's coming in at angle of figure 8 in Chinese.  Not only are they decorative but  they have been quite functional as well!  She is eating rice, pancakes, and even fish!  Everyone is quite excited about what she can do with more teeth!

- Loves youtube, and sometimes it is the only way we can get her to sit in her highchair and eat.  We know this is not something to be proud of and try to limit it to as little as possible...  

- Took her first long car ride (5 hours) to SSI!  She did very very well.  One poop and two naps. 

- Olivia stated to say uh-oh in the cutest way.  Otherwise she is sticking to her primary identifiers, with nai nai still being her favorite. 

Notice the teeth buds??  A bit crooked but we won't focus on that.

I have been thinking a lot about creativity and books recently, listening to podcasts, having mom here to help with the baby, having a trip and some alone time to look forward to jolts awake those parts of my brain dulled by work and life.  I have Big Magic to look forward to, and will buy the Stephen King novel 11/23/63.  Mental note to start reading again.

Here is a great reading list for later...
http://www.hollywoodhousewife.com/favorite-books-of-all-time-.html

Yay! Those two little teeth buds at the bottom are more than just for show.  We are very proud of her progress to eating real, human food.  So far this week she has also loved grandma's fried rice and white rice.

Somethings stay the same...

... and yet, are forever different.

I have quite a busy 2016 ahead of me.  Trips, both with husband and with girlfriends, are pencilled into my calendar.  Highlighted and double underlined.  I even made a last minute commitment to go to Wyoming in one impulse morning.  On the surface, it seems that I am one busy mama that still has her independence.  But close to the surface are bubbling doubts and worries that I will be leaving my little baby behind.

Somethings look the same because Olivia goes to daycare so on my days off, I can still go to the gym, go shopping, cook, clean... Also my mom is flexible enough to come watch the baby for weeks at a time, so my husband and I can sneak away for an extended trip that otherwise wouldn't be possible.  BUT, let me tell you, there is not a moment of these "alone" times that I don't think about O.  Even cycling at the gym, I have my phone close by in case her school calls me.  One time I hopped off a cycling bike so fast in the middle of class I almost passed out.

My point it, I'm not the same.  I will never be the same again.  It is better to know it, recognize it, and slowly learn to accept it...

Easter 2016.  One week shy of 14 months. 

On transitions...

Last week, Olivia started her transition into a new classroom (sweet peas).  I have been choked up and emotional about the whole thing.  My baby has been in her first classroom since she was five months old.  But... I have heard that changes are part of life... so she (and I) put on our brave faces and hoped for the best.  All was ok until Friday...

I went to pick her up with my mom, unsure if the Easter egg hunt was already over.  We didn't expect all the parents there, did I miss the memo??  I was actually surprised that she was willing to sit around the table with all the other kids and she actually looked happy for a few minutes.  My mom and I tried to take pictures of her from every angle, looking so big and so small at the same time.  It made me sad she was in a Christmas shirt when all the other kids had on their cute bunny outfit.  The situation got even sadder when the other babies were literally stuffing their faces and my baby doesn't even want to touch the cake.  But what really broke me was when I went to get her bib, the cubby hole with her name on it had another kid's stuff!  I asked the teacher and she said - oh I just got here I don't know.  I went to her old classroom to get a bib and just broke down in front of her old teacher.  I mean sobbed, uncontrollably.  I'm pretty sure I was hiccuping from crying.

Eventually I pulled myself together and went to get her.  Wiped her little face and brought her home.  I don't think she was half as disturbed by the situation as I was.  I don't know if the teacher or other parents can tell how traumatized I was.  But I definitely didn't make any mommy friends...

Transitions are hard, especially for me. 

A little table of cuteness.  Olivia is definitely the smallest and I'm sure the only one with no teeth....

A non-baby post

I have been listening to my favorite blogger hollywood housewife on podcast these days.  Her voice isn't quite what I expected, but her words are.  I am quite a fan and have downloaded all the episodes with her in them.  It's called Sorta Awesome and that's how I feel about her.  

She was asked what is the one thing she is crazy about, can't stop talking/won't stop talking about, and she said blogging.  I find that a bit odd since she has quit blogging a few months back.  I still check the page from time to time just to see if she has changed her mind.  So far, nope.  

http://www.hollywoodhousewife.com

Ok enough about her, more about me. 

I'm up to absolutely nothing these days.  Trying to enjoy motherhood, consciously telling myself to chill, and trying to put the breaks on buying things for Olivia.  There is a nonstop... oh wait, this post is NOT about her. 

I have TWO weddings coming up and two occasions to get dolled up.  Apart of me want to splurge on a new dress, another part of me wants to re-wear my San Francisco city hall dress.   This Alberta Ferretti number may be the only thing that I still cannot fit into, post baby.  It's doubtful I will ever be able to wear it as comfortably.  Such is life. 

Out and About

At almost 13 months, Olivia has not ventured very far from home.  She isn't the best car rider and her parents are very anxious about public displays of foolishness.  Slowly, we have gone on a few adventures with her, the furthest being IKEA (exactly 45min away).  Next weekend however we are planning to visit the grandparents, FIVE hours away.  

Olivia loves sitting in the buggy and being pushed around.  Her wispy hair stands up straight against the draft and she giggles and holds on to the handlebar.  

 Whereas it's my favorite part of going to Ikea, Olivia was not very impressed by the spread.  I had high hopes for mashed potatoes but nope... not grandma's chicken. 

Sunny walk around our neighborhood.

Visiting daddy at his office.  The long car ride (and the foolish crying) tired her out. 

Shopping with mommy in matching red shoes!

Haircut time!

Olivia did very well during her first haircut.  She sat in the airplane seat all by herself, didn't cry one bit (until the end), and didn't move her head too much. 

Notice the small ponytail.

Afterwards we celebrated with a park stroll.  It was a beautiful day.

12 months equals ...

ONE!

Olivia turned one a few weeks ago, and everyday I have been reminding myself everyday since.  She can pull up on anything, opens every cabinet (strangely interested in Paprika), walks with her little toy walker, and got her first haircut yesterday (officially haircut that costs money).

Mostly she steals our heart every day with her little smile (still toothless), her fuzzy head, her ability to understand and sometimes communicate, and morning cuddles.  When she opens the cabinet and wants to grab big bottle of air freshener and I tell her NO (very sternly), she takes back her little hand and looks at me with big eyes.  She is also going through that separation anxiety phase where she (finally) seems to prefer me to anyone (except nai nai).  I feels strangely validating.

Verbiage hasn't changed much.  S taught her to wiggle her tongue around and garble gibberish; it is the cutest thing ever.  She knows her nose and will point at it on command.  She also plays peekaboo and stacks little blocks.  She continues to wave goodbye when she wants go.  Daycare is working her transiting her to the next class and it makes me very very nervous.

A little cupcake on Feb 11 to celebrate turning ONE. 

A BIG party of Olivia the following weekend.  This cute pink cake was untouched.  (and the cake topper is an O for Olivia, not a zero)

One of the arts and crafts stations at O's party.

Confetti cakes and desserts.

Party Favor

 A big photo wall that Co Vien and I worked very hard on.  Daddy helped too.