I feel this urge to blog, so let me start by saying that the right half of my right foot really hurts in a bone-breaking/nerve-aching sort of way. If this were the old me, I would have sucked up the pain, remembered that HUGE dinner I had last night, and pushed myself to the gym. BUT, being wiser and kinder to myself, I decided to do a bit pilates and call it a morning.

Talking about the huge dinner last night, I had a fabulous time at Linda2's. Her parents are so incredibly nice to invite so many people over and cook so much wonderful food... Pouring over her scrapbook/photo-albums brought on a touch of sadness... Just when I'm finally getting to her know in a family-tree sort of way, we're about to say goodbye and leave this maze that is college. Oh how I wish I could share my scrapbooks with my friends, and show them the cheesy notes I write beside each photo.

I think I figured out the genetics homework, thus this slacking off to blog at Maria's house while she is studying dilligently in the living room. Alright, back to more highlighting.

I received some very happy yet surprising news. My reaction to which can be best summarized by the one-way IM below... I feel the need to capture that moment, HZ, so I hope you don't mind that I copied this IM onto my blog. If you do, I'll take it off. =)

(1:06:25 AM): OMG!!!!!!!

Auto response from [friend] (1:06:26 AM)...

(1:06:33 AM): huizi!!!!!!!

(1:06:41 AM): how could I not know the INSTANT you're engaged!

(1:07:11 AM): I just told my friends today that you're my oldest friend America... I think the significance of that (and of you) is way more than the above sentence implies!

(1:07:21 AM): OH HUIZI!

(1:07:27 AM): I can't believe you're engaged

(1:07:34 AM): the girl who gave me my first pop-tart

(1:07:44 AM): I think my fingertips went numb when you told me that...

(1:08:02 AM): did I say "congratulations"?

(1:08:06 AM): I mean "congratulations"!

(1:08:48 AM): 2+2=4? How can you compare love/marriage to math?! We are (you are) way more complicated than some equation

(1:09:05 AM): ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(1:09:58 AM): I'm having a conversation with myself, so I'll stop now. I hope this is what you REALLY want... despite the doubts (which would seem normal)... I say listen to your gut.. and that elusive heart...

(1:10:11 AM): sigh.... time... life... what more can I say.

WOW! I know this is early, but I feel like my last post requires immediate response! Your comments have made me feel both touched and sad. Touched that you sound so concerned and sad that you sound so... well... Concerned. The most overwhelming feeling of all is embarrassment, however. I feel like I was digging for compliments or something. I wasn't, promise! I just wanted to blog out a common sentiment so friends would know where I stand on this weight issue. Too often, they think I'm immune.

HZ, I miss you! I will call. I too, like myself better on hindsight. So in that sense, you knew the best of me.

I apologize about the last blog; it was very pathetic... in pace with the who pathetic subject. I will just go to the gym and not think any more about it...

During lunch today, while eating my plate of green/orange/soupy stuff, I discussed the issue of weight/food/ body-image with Linda. Only last Sunday, Maria and I also discussed it over my chocolate/peanut butter dinner. I may not voice it as frequently or as loudly, but I am haunted by the scale of fat/thin/skinny all the time. While I admire the friend who is on an I-love-carb diet because she is happy with her body and wish I shared her self-assurance, the truth is I miss the days when weight was a non-issue.

I wish I remembered the last time I ate junk food without an OUNCE of guilt, because I would rewind that moment over and over again to figure out what happened to disrupt that circuit of sanity.

Three posts in one day, is that allowed? Oh well, I get such interesting/nice comments that I decide to click a few more words to bring myself closer to 11:00 pm. That is my designated lower limit for sleeping time. Anything before 11:00, and it's guaranteed toss/turning plus waking up before 4:00 am. I have tried sleeping at 10:30 twice thus far, and that is exactly what happened both times.

I'm doing laundry tomorrow morning. Check back tomorrow night, and I am a girl with the freshest smelling clothes once again. I am also doing diffy tomorrow morning. Did you know, I have been planning out my days to the T - a time for everything, eating, sleeping, walking, exercising, watching TV... The rectangular blue post-it's have graced my planner every single day. Today, I had TWO! I planned for two days in a row!

I still haven't finished Angels and Demons. I am fairly certain this is the slowest I've ever read any book since the 6th grade. I'm not sure whether it's because I want to slow down and prolong a good thing, or I'm just not that interested. In truth, I like The Da Vinci Code better.

Good night! I'm going to update my planner some more... for there are still 25 minutes to kill before I can climb into my bed!

I told Maria today that my night class seems to be the perfect class to pass/fail – I can listen to interesting lectures, not study for the tests, write a crappy paper, and pass! She laughed in a way that made me immediately recognize the absurdity of what I said with much embarrassment… Then tonight, strolling to the student center, pondering whimsically at all the things I could study for without the urgency to do anything, I remembered sophomore year when she and I would study in the library until 12:00 am, then getting the leftover free coffee from the coffeehouse, sneak it into the library and study some more. Wow, that was me too!

mmm... Just so you know, just because you're commenting under anonymous does not mean you can't TYPE your name at the end. Also, your hint served no purpose. I still have no idea who you are.

This is early, but what is the point of setting my alarm to 7:00 am when all I do is snooze for half an hour. Thus, one snooze this morning. I am up to work on my paper that's due Friday. The topic is to write about something that's unjust/unfair. I think I have a pretty original idea; the problem is delivery. On that note, I will stop blogging and save all my writing juices. :)

Deep conversation with a friend about life... must make peace with myself.

This is shaping up to be a busy semester, with a steady flow of problem sets and papers that plague all of my days. Perhaps "plague" is too harsh of a word, for 50% of the time, I don't actually mind them. There is always that sense of accomplishment with every bit of math that I understand, and as Maria said, the satisfaction of seeing my time not wasted.

Last night, Harika and I did a very very very silly thing. Suffice to say that the silliness actually killed (please God) a ghost for me. First time in years that I actually doubted the validity of my judgment, the worthiness of this obsession. The voice did not, in the least bit, match up with the image I fabricated. It was as if the only way his armor would not tarnish is by sealing out all reason and logic, which I am the expert at doing. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't sad. It only took a couple moments of silence to realize that I could not/should not have expected otherwise. WOW, what a night!

I haven't been very successful at taking naps lately. Remember freshman year when I had 10 minutes after lunch before Chemistry lab to climb up my bunk bed and take a nap, which I did. I know I age a hundred years by saying this but I really think it's the nerves. I have too many random/useless thoughts floating in my head that attack me as soon as I close my eyes in the middle of the day.

I haven't seen my friends in forever... Actually it's only been 48 hours, but it feels like forever.

Finding Neverland exceeded all my expectations. I have always read about movies that make one cry in one second then laugh in the next, I just never experienced it until tonight. Jonny Depp, the perfect blend of vulnerability and strength… it’s all in the cheekbones, I’m convinced. I think the next time I see Kate Winslet, I might just tear up in remembrance of her tonight. I tried to keep my tearing/sniffling under control for those sitting near, but midway through it, I thought what the heck, I only live once.

She lives in every page of your imagination.

Oh it’s too late to talk about the New Year, suffice to say that loud music+murderous smoke+ghetto dance is not my scene. However, I am more than happy to put up with it for one night to spend time with high school friends that I may never gather with again. My birthday? Spending it at home was the icing on top of my perishable ice-cream cake!

Present goal – I CAN do math and I WILL save money!