A wake up call came in the most unexpected form. I called a (fill in the blank) for some information, and the response I received in return was unexpected. I think I counted on kindness and support, if only residual smidges of it left over from the two weeks of freshman year when we were good friends, when I listened to his "similar" problems. Yes, it's true, I didn't help him. But I listened, didn't I? I thought perhaps he also shared a similar regret at a friendship slipped away and also wondered, sometimes, at where that trust went?

I was wrong then; I am wrong now. His (fill in the blank) made me realize my own silliness and stupidity for the past week. I think what I really needed was for someone to scream at me, to snap me out of this deep/blind/suffocating hole I have been digging for myself. To lift my head for just one second and realize that all is not dark, all is not lost.

To see things for what they are -- I have to take deep breaths before every such action. It still stings, the piece of hope it denies me, the piece of pride it robs me. But I woke up today with a more peaceful feeling than I had in days. Yesterday I wanted to escape home almost as much as I wanted to escape from myself, but today, I can wait for home, I can wait for anything.

I change my mind, I take back what I said, someone will measure up... stunningly.... subtly... effortlessly... but not today.

Today, the world is just as it should be.