Two rules of adulthood. Life isn't fair and shit happens.
Well, I have had a shitty week, 10 days to be exact.
After a year of careful existence, Olivia gets COVID. We have kept her home from in-person Kindergarten (one of only three kids in her class to pick virtual learning). We have limited her playdate to ONE girl (whom we haven't seen since before Christmas). We drove around town looking for semi-empty playgrounds and parks. There have been no extracurricular activity of any kind. Swim, art, dance, all put on hold.
For O's birthday on 2/11, we planned to stop by her cousin/birthday twin's house to drop off presents. However last minute they decided to come here instead. The two previous times they dropped by were on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then only to drop off food/presents, fully masked, and out in a hurry. In fact, for Christmas, I bursted into tears before they took off. So many sacrifices in 2020. We haven't really been around our closest family since the cousin/birthday twin started back to school sometime in September. So on 2/11, instead of a driveway gift exchange, I texted the birthday twin and her mom to come inside with masks on. The grandparents were here and they had a birthday cake for their other grandchild. Everyone was masked, except for Olivia and Isla.
2/13, O's aunt texts us she has COVID. We panic. We send my parents home (they came here for O's birthday, drove 6 hours, only to be sent home less than 24 hours later). We count our fingers and toes to calculate the risks. We knew the girls would be at highest risks, since they were unmasked (I actually had a mask for O in hand, but put it down when they took longer to arrive. This decision I will replay in my mind a hundred times in the next ten days). The cousin/birthday twin did take off her masks to eat cake and Isla was on her lap at one point!
The mind grapples for hope. We tell ourselves that the aunt wore a mask pretty much the whole evening. S and I didn't go very close to her (I might have compromised the six feet distance but I'm vaccinated). S stayed far away from his family (bless him). Then another sigh of relief when we found out the cousin/birthday twin tested negative! I call the pediatrician office and we decide the risks are still low. I talk to my friends and hear stories of intermingling with infected people without transmission. I try to put it all behind me and go on with life. Please please let this be another close call (for there have certainly been other close calls before).
2/19. S and I decide to take the girls in to get tested even though they have had no symptoms. Just to be sure, our pediatrician recommended, given some delayed complications from COVID. At 3:30 PM, both girls get swabbed. It was a Friday and we had taco night planned from our favorite Mexican place, Ceviche. Steve took off in his car to get the food while I drove home with the girls. The result would take 15 min, I knew. I expected a call from the office. When the phone ring, I jumped up, ready to celebrate the good news. When she said, do you have a minute, my mind fumbles for why I need a minute. She informs me that Isla has tested negative, but Olivia has tested positive. I remember thinking - I need to sit down. My mind spins and I think how is this possible. I tell my pediatrician that no, she has no symptoms. Did I gasp? Cry? Try to hold it together? Before I even hang up the phone, I see Olivia laying like a puddle on the floor. I tell her to stand up and she tells me she is tired. Shit. I take her temp and it read 102. Shit Shit. I text my pediatrician about the fever (I love her) and she calls me back. I definitely cried now. I remember my hands shook as she told me to write down the various supplements I should get, how I needed to alternate Tylenol and Ibuprofen, how I need to separate O from Isla and S. I remember watching Isla run circles around Olivia and wonder how I will keep them apart for 10 days.
I called a close friend who gave me a pep talk and ideas on what to do. She reminds me this is what we have been telling our patients to do for a whole year, surely I can follow my own instructions! This gets me moving. I gather up Olivia and put her in the upstairs Jack and Jill, which is her room and her study/school room. I shut all communal toys that Olivia and Isla have shared into a closet that Isla can't open. I pack a bag of toiletries and clothes for me to stay with O. I don't think neither O nor I took a moment to say bye to Isla. When S got home, he took her behind closed doors until O and I could get settled. We haven't seen her face in ten days (we also almost haven't seen S in ten days except for one time when Olivia opened the door before S could get downstairs. We waved to each other. I cried). Taco that night was on a tray left outside of our quarantine rooms. Steve has managed to bring up punctually three meals a day for the following ten days. Isla called for us outside our door the next morning. I sobbed while Olivia looked at me wide eyed. How confusing it must be for her to hear us, but not to see us (as the days progressed she would yell "yei yei are you ok? mama are you ok?" We would yell back "we love you Isla"). I kept telling myself to be strong for O, which I have been, to the best of my ability.
Let the records show that O is an above average toddler in terms of lovability. Being closed within confined space with her for ten straight days confirmed this. She whined only a little, complained only a little, and amazed me with her adaptability in every way.
Tomorrow Olivia will fly out of here and be reunited with S and Isla. I will probably cry more tears. I doubt I'll ever look back at this time with anything other than terror and relief (that everyone ended up ok). There are many lesson to be gleaned. For now, I will continue to keep all my fingers and toes crossed and pray for the end of this pandemic. In case anyone is wondering, the aunt isn't sure how she got COVID. The gym, maybe. I blame no one except myself.
