My Babies

So much is happening in the world, some certain, some uncertain.  The cuteness of Olivia and Isla is my only constant.  

My two winter babies both with approaching birthdays.  One almost SIX, one almost THREE. 

Olivia's first year of Kindergarten is almost coming to an end (yes it's only the beginning of the second semester but I know how time flies now... so may as well ben the end).  It has been virtual this whole year, despite my forever optimism that this Pandemic will be under control, and I will see my baby bouncing into the school grounds once again.  That hope is getting slimmer but not completely gone.  She is THRIVING even at home!  Such a good little reader (favorite books - Piggie and Gerald and The Dragon books) and so very diligent with her numbers.  She is careless though, and its hard to make a five year old check over her work.  Olivia asks about "when will the virus end" and "it wasn't there when I was little, how did it get here"?  Parenting is all about reassuring kids about things we are not even sure about, right?  

Isla has had one leisure year.  For a baby who got sick every two weeks at daycare, this has been the healthiest year of her life (how ironic and also knock on wood).  She loves her Jie Jie and loves her snacks.  We finally got her to stop sucking her thumb (in anticipation of eventually returning to school) and semi trying to potty train her.  Isla loves pretty much all the toys O loves (scooter, barbie dream house, her piggie).  She loves the Llama llama books.  

We drive around looking for empty playground for them to play on and see grandma/grandpa whenever we can.  My parents have stayed for a few week stretches and that has made Olivia's year.  Hoping 2021 brings more play dates!

What do you like about yourself...

In the spirits of this blog post - 

https://cupofjo.com/2021/01/what-do-you-like-about-you/#more-234121

I like that I have a set of rituals that define who I am.  I read and therefore I am a reader.  I am always on time and therefore I am punctual.  I scrapbook and make photobooks and therefore  I am nostalgic.  I am compulsive about cleaningness and therefore I am tidy.  I put on nice clothes to go out and therefore I am put together.  

These things help me not waste time on feelings of guilt.  For example, when I yell at my kids to clean up in the middle of Saturday morning, I tell myself that's just who I am.  When I put on makeup to put gas in car, that's just who I am.  When I fold laundry in the middle of the night AND put them away, that's just who I am.

2021

 2021...

May you not crumble upon the weight of gazillion expectations...

I have been knee deep in reading.  Among them, This is the Story of A Happy Marriage, by Ann Patchett.   I have officially declared her to be my favorite author.  I have not had a favorite author since R. L. Stein in fifth grade.  Back then I wrote a letter to him.  Maybe I'll write a letter to Ann.  Yes, we are on first name bases.  After reading her book of personal essays, I have seen her soul and we are soul sisters.  It is that simple.  

I am listening to Becoming by Michelle Obama.  I am curious how to raise little Michelle Obamas.  I was listening along, semi-engaged, doing dishes and folding laundry.  Then, out of the blue, she says "kids know at a very young age when they are being de-valued, when adults aren't invested enough to help them learn.  Their anger over it can manifest itself as unruliness.  It's hardly their fault.  They aren't bad kids.  They are just trying to survive bad circumstances."  De-valued.  Is that what that feeling was all those decades ago growing up in a cut throat academic environment?  It's hard for anyone to imagine me as unruly, but back then, I was definitely not "good".  Once a teacher told me to my face that I will never amount to nothing.  Till this day, ask my parents, they will tell you through clinched teeth who that teacher was.  Clearly, as I sobbed in the kitchen today, I still carry that burden with me, all these years later.  It is why I stay on top of Olivia's school.  She is five.  It's not because I want her to be top of her Kindergarten class.  I'm trying to spare her the feelings of inadequacy, of devalued.