Lately...

When we bought our home in 2013, I thought it would be our forever home.  We walked barefoot around the hardwood floor, looked at all the empty walls, hand picked everything to make it our home.  We imagined filling the empty rooms with babies and memories.  This is the only home Olivia has ever known.  It has kept us warm and safe.  I have not one complaint.

It is with a heavy heart that I prepare to sell our house.  I say "I", because I don't think S is as sentimentally attached.  For him, there are many logistical reason to move.  For me, there is the dream of a all white kitchen.  I will try to not rush into settling on our next house (one that I am hoping will be our forever home).  I will try not to take it personally when people criticize my current house (it will be pretty much impossible).  I will try to brace myself for the hectic weeks/months(??!) ahead without too much undue stress.


In other news, Olivia turned two!  It was our mission to teach her she is turning two, and sure enough, when asked "how old are you", she holds up some fingers proudly in the air and says "TWO"!

Love this cake from www.customcakesbyliud.com.  I ordered literally four cakes from her in the span of two weeks and they all turned out beautifully.  We didn't really have a theme for her joined birthday party with Natalie.  Instead the cake feature bear bear and horsey.  

birthday girl

First trip to the zoo was not a big success.  It was a bit windy and cold and the animals didn't move very much.  Not sure Olivia really grasped the concept that these are the real life versions of the animals from her books.  She was dazed and not so impressed the whole morning. 

I am really really really into high waisted everything these days!  Specifically the Maria High Rise Skinny Jeans in light denim (pictured above)!  I got mine during their end of the year sale.  Not since my maternity pants days have I experienced anything more comfortable.  Conclusion - I like things wrapped snuggly around my belly and waist.  I have been wearing these jeans as if they were rented (past two days actually) with limited days.

Too good not to share find - 

Faux Leather booties from Forever 21.  About $30.  Can't find them anymore online but still many very cute booties on the site.  In person, they don't look at all cheap and are quite comfy.  The silver detail on the tip reminds me of my beloved Gucci Boots.

I... think... that's... all...  

Books

One of my goals for 2017 is read more.  And so I have.  A lot of it is catch up reads, meaning books that have been buzzed about for a long time, books my favorite podcasts have recommended on multiple episodes, books that... well you get the idea.  

 Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty  this book starts on the shallow end of the pool, a bit mundane, a bit trivial.  However quickly without warning it wades deeper and deeper into the psyche of the  modern day MOM, and all the implications of that word.  "Beach Read" does not do it justice.  One of my favorites. 

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch S and I are always reading, but it is very rare that we read the same book.  This one, however, we both loved.  Maybe he more than me.  The labyrinths of theories and science in this book is good and all, but for me, it is the love story the that moves me to tears.

 The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.  all books are fair game, but deep down, I love a good mystery read.  This book has been compared to Gone Girl from day one, and maybe that's why it took me so long to pick it up.  The writing is simply stunning.  I could do without the back and forth alcoholic relapses but the Paula Hawkins sure knows how to make you care about her characters.  By the end, I sympathized with all the women, so flawed yet so human. 

The moment Olivia was born, I wanted to capture every minute of her babyhood.  I know it would be fleeting and one day when she is a teenager, having a moment of the-whole-world-is-against-me, I could link her here and let her soak up on the love that surrounded her the moment she was born.

That is my goal.  That is why my blog has turned into Olivia blog.  I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Almost two and almost too cute to handle.  That is my daughter.  Her hair is so long now I can easily tuck it behind her ears, but not long enough for a ponytail.  She heads off to daycare daily with a little bow, and daily when I pick her up it is gone.  Thank goodness for my 50 for $5 amazon purchase.  

Olivia has mastered her primary colors, although her first instinct is still everything yellow.  We are working on her numbers and alphabet.  She is in no hurry, and neither are we.  The immediate challenges are, and may be for awhile yet, paci training and sleep training.  This morning she put her sleepy fussy head in my arm, cuddled next to me, and I know deep down I'm not ready for training of any kind.  

The world all around us is in a constant state of chaotic limbo.  I feel no control.  Donations do not seem enough, social media posts do not seem enough, blogs do not seem enough.  I feel infinitely small and powerless.  I pray for a better world for my baby, for babies everywhere.