No more goofing around, must get down to work. I have been very lenient with myself. After a 30 hour call day and 4 hour nap, I have not looked up Rituxan or Blasto. Instead, I have poured over recipes for a dinner party I'm going to this Friday. Originally bread pudding souffle is an obvious choice, considering my recent meringue kick, the 2 dozen eggs in my fridge, and that it's one of the BEST dessert I've EVER tasted. But... I don't trust myself with meringue at a meringue-naive kitchen. Whisking egg whites with someone else's mixer is too risky. So, instead, I will stick to my favorite bread pudding recipe:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/banana-walnut-bread-pudding-with-buttery-rum-sauce-recipe/index.html

Gym Day 1 since ??? My new attending likes to run up the flights of stairs, race to the patient's room, stand there and stare at me while I try to catch my breath/form complete sentences. That's simply reason 1/ a million to drag myself to the gym. Mostly... almost entirely... it's my father's partly stern, partly coercive voice telling me to exercise, excercise, exercise. It is why I never missed kickboxing in college, started cycling in med school, and months after not touching the gym this intern year, went back on the trend mill post call today. It's also why I firmly believe no matter how many exercise-less ruts I get into, I will always find my way back to a routein.

Besides... there is that blue strapless dress I need to wear...

10 pm. Too late to study. Maybe tomorrow...

French Chocolate Almond Macaroons (adapted from recipe by Carole Walter)

This is the mother recipe. A good place to start. After having tried the colorful variation, this original version tastes better, is easier to make, and has a higher chance of success (and every bit counts). The best part, I think, is even when you mess up and the little macaroon does not puff up smoothly landed on their little padded "feet", they're still delicious!

After you taste them straight from the oven, you'll think -- these are perfect, who needs chocolate to go in between! Melt the chocolate! It's even better with them. The gooey center contrasts with the airy meringue.

Oooo, now I can't wait to try them, Trial #3.

1 scant cup slivered, blanched almonds (about 4 1/2 ounces)
2 C strained confectioners' sugar, divided, spooned in and leveled
3 tbsp strained dutch-processed cocoa powder
3 large egg whites, at room temperature
1/8 tsp salt
Ganache filling (google-able)

Heat oven to 325 F.
Dab corners of baking pans lightly with butter, line with parchment, and butter the parchment.
Place almonds with 1 C confectioners' sugar and the cocoa in a large bowl. Pulse mixture in food processor to combine, then pulse for about one minute. Should be very powdery. Set aside.
[I substituted with 1 C almond flour mixed with 1 C confectioners' sugar]
Whip egg whites on medium speed until frothy. Add sat and beat until firm peaks form. Add remaining 1 C of sugar, 1 tbsp at a time, taking about 2 min. Scrap down bowl as needed. Then beat 1 min longer until stiff and shiny.
Place the nut mixture in a large-gauge strainer and sprinkle over meringue in 5 or 6 additions, folding with large rubber spatula. Discard any large pieces of nuts.
Empty meringue into 18-inch pastry bag fitted with a #805 or 1/2 inch piping tube. Spoon meringue in. Pipe 1 inch dots onto the prepared cookie sheets.
Smooth tops of dots with barely moistened fingertips. Let dry 20 to 30 min. Then Bake one sheet at a time, for about 10 min or until JUST SET! Tops should be smooth. [good luck with that…]

Remove form oven, let rest for 1 to 2 min.
Sandwich ganache between two halves!

The bottom two web sites are good resources, you should read them before you start! Wish I had...

http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2005/10/french_chocolat.html
http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2008/09/making_french_macarons.html

At this point, is it too late to figure out who I am. Are there still surprises that lay ahead of me, not trivial but life-changing events that can alter the direction of my life. When I read A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg, that is what I think of. To spend the day aerating her flour and write about it... That is not me (or is it).

I have another book my desk: A Writer's Workbook by Caroline Sharp. I have no intention of "working it up", just reading it for pleasure and inspiration (since it is recommended by Elizabeth Gilbert). I also have dozens of journal articles, TH emails, and a chapter on lupus awaiting my attention. Are my diverting interests conflicting or harmonious? Will they make me a more wholesome person or tare me in a thousand different directions?

That remains to be seen...

One of these day, my luck will run out and I will have to work with someone I don't like for a whole month! But for now, there is still a light over me, and my upper level is ever so calm and methodical, while I am so scattered. She is a new mom, is that why she has such a glow? I'll stick close to her, and maybe some of whatever it is will rub off.

A lovely book came in the mail for me today written by a foodie/writer. It's a surprise sent from a fellow foodie/writer friend who considers me a committed foodie/writer as well. What a compliment! I do still dream of that double life... I come home from a long day of work and flip through "food and wine", even though there are no ingredients in my fridge or time in my schedule to make anything. Not the green pea risotto, not the tangerine glazed chicken, not even the homemade granola bars... But, there is still the dream of leading a double life. MD by day, foodie/writer by night...

My lastest baking endeavor is the following Easter macaroon. It is less than perfect, to be kind. When they're smoothly domed in the oven, I smiled with pride. But when they cracked/wrinkled/bursted on my carefully buttered parchment paper, my heart fell a little. I didn't throw any away though, but sandwiched chocolate between all but the most damaged ones and brough them to a dinner party. My friends didn't mind. Beauties like these cannot be wasted, even when baked a little past their prime.