5 months!

Oh that face, that smile, those little feet...

Milestone

I'm not good at remembering milestones but this is one!  Olivia rolled from back to tummy today!  She has been hinting at doing it for days now, but every time she does it S tells me it doesn't count - whether bc the mattress is slanted or bc I positioned her arm to her favor.  But today, unassisted, this little girl flopped over!  I am SO proud! :)

She is also sitting quite well with a little assistance and staring at everything we eat and drink.

On Starting Daycare

First day of daycare was as expected - emotional (me), tearful (my mom), confused (Olivia).  The ladies at daycare are all very caring and attentive.  They rocked Olivia and held her both when I left and when I arrived.  I feel reassured having O there.  But... it's not the same as staying home with grandma.  I wonder if she even knows that she isn't home, that the ladies there are not her family, that we left her there.  For a peace of mind, I like to think she is too young to realize all of the above.

Waking her up in the the morning is quite sad.  Taking her out of her peaceful slumber and plop her into a carseat is heartbreaking for me.  The second day when we arrived at daycare she was still sleeping so I put her the carseat with sleeping baby on the ground and went about getting her bed ready, when I looked down, O's eyes are filled with tears and her little arms raised as if wanting to be held.  I almost bursted into tears.  There is nothing like the love you feel for your baby....

While O was in daycare, my mom and I had a blast.  We shopped till we dropped on day one and had brunch together on day two.  It's different from our other outings because we didn't worry about S taking care of baby alone at home.  We missed her and thought about her constantly, but had a good time despite of it.  

Next week, she will (try) to go to daycare all five days.  It will be exhausting for her and us.  I try to think of all the other good toddlers that survived daycare beginning at an even younger age than her, and take solace in knowing we picked the best place we could find.  It makes it a little easier to drop off my baby.

Olivia on day 1.  They sent us this picture of her playing.  Is it me or are her eyes a little red?  When we picked her up from daycare she was howling on the chaining table.  I try not to think how much she might have cried that day.

4 months!

4 months is magical... most of the time.  Olivia still loves to be swaddled at night for sleep, but can wrestle out even the tightest of swaddles!  I often find her little hands freed, flailing about around her face in the middle of the night.  She isn't the most peaceful sleepers, and often need her paci stuffed back in her mouth several times in the middle of the night.  I often do this with my eyes closed, trying to aim for her mouth in the dark.

At her 4 and half months pediatrician visit, we dropped from 50 percentile to 25 percentile in weight, but still is 50 percentile in height.  I try not get too worried... she definitely doesn't look starving to me.

Grandma is still here and cares for Olivia like the little princess she is.  Oh daycare will be a hard adjustment for this little one. 

I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it.  But for three nights in a row now, O slept more than 8 hours a day!  This means she skipped her 2AM feeding!

Is there anything cuter than a sleeping baby?

Over the past couple of days, my daughter started to grab my hand.  She grabs everything within range, to be fair, but I like to think that her hold on my hand is the strongest.  There is nothing that feels better than the tight grip of those little chubby meaty fingers.  Is there anything cuter than 3 and half months?!  Olivia, mommy will miss you at this age forever!

Olivia's "First" Haircut

At exactly 3 months and 14 days, Steve gave Olivia her first haircut.  Standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, holding my baby, it was far harder on me than it is on her.  I think she liked it.  For the next few months she will be looking like a little boy, and I will be wrapping her in extra layers of pink.  But hopefully, when it grows back, she will have a more even hair do.

BEFORE

I call it her peacock hair.  One day around three weeks old her hair stood up after bath time, and it has been standing tall ever since.  We thought for sure gravity would have taken over by now...  It's ever so soft, and brushes against my face when I'm holding her.  Oh how I will miss my baby's baby hair. 

AFTER

I'm not sure how I feel about my bald baby.  She is so cute still, of course... But I miss her hair already. 

100 Days Old

A start at tummy time. 

Three Months Today

The past couple days have been emotionally draining.  After yet another couple days of painful clogged ducts, I have finally made the decision to stop breastfeeding.  I'm still making peace with this decision, on a hourly basis.  I love feeding my baby, knowing that the milk going into her belly is the best possible.  I hate the idea that her nutrition will come in the form of a powder.  But... oh how I wish to hold her tightly without wincing, not to mention the times I can't hold her at all because it hurts so much.  I don't mind pumping around the clock if it means I can avoid those painful knots.  After trying three pumps and talking to every lactation nurse in the hospital, things are just not better.  I feel truly that I have given it my all, that the quality of life for everyone I know will improve if I stop pumping.  But...  somehow... I can't look at the dwindling milk supply in the fridge without a pang of guilt and sadness.

Oh how I have become acquainted with mommy guilt.

Three months today.  There is no doubt Olivia is grandma's little girl.

On eating -
She can't give up her midnight feeding.  She has slept eight hour stretches on two separate occasions, but the norm is still five hours.  She wakes up, eats, and goes back to sleep without a fuss.  For that I am thankful.

On clothes-
Olivia is rapidly outgrowing her 0-3 months onesies.  One day I glanced over and her little legs are curled in a tightly stretched onesie.  Yep, time to upgrade.  She is almost twelve pounds but it's mostly the length that forces us to put away her cute little outfits.  When we go to our pediatrician visit next month, I hope she is still in the fiftieth percentile.

On milestones-
My baby can't turn over yet, can't sit up yet, can't grab onto toys when I dangle them in front of her face yet.  But what she CAN do is giggle and smile, stick out her tongue and show off that cute dimple.  Suck her thumb, fingers, and whole fist like it's the most delicious popsicle, all the while drooling all over her face and the bed.  She holds her head straight up when I hold her, but loses control often and bang into my face.

TWO MONTHS

Olivia is ten weeks today.  For the first time since she was born, I thought to myself, I hope she stays this little forever.  I don't mean that of course, but oh the cuteness of this age is bewitching.  I can stare at her for hours-- her sleeping face, her smiling face, her grumpy face (ok maybe not this so much).

I went back to work at nine weeks.  Some things are not as bad as I thought (like work itself); some are harder (like the three consecutive days I got plugged ducts and was in so much pain it was hard to finish the day).

Things I don't want to forget about this age -

The softness of your skin, especially with rolls upon rolls of fatty squishiness.  I love kissing you everywhere, sometimes you let me, other times you swat at me with your little hand.  Oh don't get me started on your little hand...

You love being held upright, with your little neck held high.  With each passing day, it seems you can hold your head up longer, higher.  You look all around, something banging your head into my face, my shoulder, daddy's glasses.  When you hurt yourself you let out a brief yet loud little cry.  Very rarely are you inconsolable.  When in doubt, a bottle of milk does the trick.

Four ounces of milk has never lasted you four hours.  These days we are lucky if you last three.  Soon you will be downing five ounces I'm sure.  You're fiftieth percentile for both height and weight.  Very impressive for my little baby.  I hope you always love to eat.

Another couple of weeks, and you will probably outgrow 0-3 months clothes.  Mommy can't wait! :)

You love milk, pacifier, bath time, in that order. :)

Almost two months...

Two months tomorrow, my daughter is still a teeny tiny newborn.  She still wakes up at least twice to eat in the middle of the night, can't sleep peacefully past four hour stretches, and have that sad little infant grunt that I understand is not here to stay.  She is, however, more alert during the day time.  She makes good eye contact and sometimes we imagine she responds with a smile or giggle.  She still waves her little hands all around, but doesn't quite play with the objects we place in front of her.

Call me an impatient mommy, I know I am.

2/11/2015.  After a night time bath on the day she was born.  The nurse cut her little hat into a bow and she has been wearing hats (and loving baths) ever since.  We only stayed in the hospital for 24 hours, which in hindsight was a mistake.  We thought we would rest better at home.  Ha!  It's been two months and I'm still waiting to "rest better".

                

Week One.  Roughest week to date.  The most intense pain coupled with the most mind numbing sleep deprivation.  Baby O had a rough time too.  She came home with a bili light for the weekend.  I don't want to think about that week to much...

          

Week Two.  Newborn photo session!  O pooped on the photographer props twice, thus putting an end to the naked portion of her session.  We only got one naked picture of her, haha.  

Week Three.  Baby acne officially started, I fought off the urge every day to take her to the pediatrician just to make sure it's not anything else I should worry about.  Finally around week seven she has her baby soft skin back. 

ONE MONTH!  A feast was made by Grandma Do for the angels.  We did not want to have a one month party for her (as is tradition) in the setting of the flu season and resurgence of measles.  I don't remember any major milestones...  She was still pooping around the clock and sleeping too little to brag about. 

Week Five.  Milestone #1, she outgrew most of her newborn clothes!    Milestone #2, one day after bath we brushed her hair and they stood right up, and have been since.  It is super soft, and super tall, hehe.  Milestone #3, stretches of four hours between feedings at night.  We take what we can get.

 

Week Seven.  O is noticeably bigger, don't you think?  Look at those chubby arms!  She has much more neck strength now, especially when I hold her over my shoulder, she likes to lift up her head and look all around.  She also likes to fall asleep over my shoulders... so sweet I can never put her down or wake her up (there is a lot of mutual sweating and not so mutual drooling).

My mom has been helping me since O was three days old.  She holds her all day every day, sings to her tirelessly, talks to her, and most importantly comes to get her from me every morning at 5AM so I  can get in another two to  three hours of sleep.  She has been gone exactly two and half days, and oh man do I miss her.  O misses her too.  

Tomorrow Olivia will be two months old.  I feel guilty (a lot) that I don't think to myself "time is going by so fast"!  For me, it is a daily battle to squeeze in sleep and time to do the things that keep me sane (making my bed, washing bottles, clean up, shower, etc etc).  I love my daughter and think she is so cute at this age/size, but I do NOT want her to stay this little forever.  I want to hear her call me mom, to smile when I tickle her, to taste REAL food.  But most of all, I want, I wish, I hope, she can sleep through the night...

It's getting very real in here...

Nothing like a new baby to shake life up; consider mine shaken.  Baby Do came home with us a little more than three weeks ago and it feels like a lifetime already.  A lifetime of diapers, lifetime of breast milk, lifetime of sleepless nights and groggy days.  There is also love and a cuteness inconceivable before having her, but oh how they were blurred by my tears.  The one sentence I say over and over, and will probably think for years to come, is no one told me how hard this is.

That isn't true, of course.  People have told me how hard this is.  Just like most experiences in life, words cannot quite capture.  Being a new parent, for me, has been quite a transition.  I'm slowly letting go of the deep sadness knowing that my old life is gone forever.  I miss my husband all to myself, miss my quiet time, miss sleep (oh how I miss sleep).

In return, I have the perfect baby.  She has little moon shaped eyes that curve downward when she makes faces (most of which I'm still deciphering).  She has full bottom lips and sweet demure upper lip, with the cutest pink tongue which she likes to stick out at us.  She is a lady and looks great in hats.  She isn't a lady when it comes to eating or pooping.  We stare at her endlessly when she is sleeping, for truly, nothing is sweeter than a sleeping baby.  She never turns down a paci, and is forever staring at the blank ceilings around here like it's the Sistine Chapel.  She is dealing with her infant acne with uncomplaining patience, she also has moments of unparalleled fussiness.  Despite all the overwhelming changes and newness of everyday, it doesn't escape me the bittersweet fact, she will only be this small once...

Decision Decisions...

At 38.5 wks, I have mood swings.  Uncertainties.  I'm afraid, terrified, scared.  I'm also excited, of course, but TERRIFIED!!

At my OB appt today, she delightfully told me we can schedule induction for next Wednesday!  I was overcome with a sense of relief!  Maybe taking one unknown out of ALL the unknowns is comforting to me.  However when I shared this with my husband, he is more hesitant, more cautious (which is the nature of our relationship).  What exactly IS the medical reason for induction?  To be honest, I'm not sure.  I didn't ask.  I know the baby is squished in my belly, I am consistently measuring small, and today her abdomen circumference is only at ~35 weeks.  Squished or loosing weight??  That, as far as I can tell, is the only indication for scheduling this induction.  I trust my OB 100%.  My gut feeling is there should be no complications.  After all, inductions are done SO frequently now, for convenience as well as medical reasons.  BUT... I'm hoping for baby O to begin her own entry into the world before next Wednesday.

I'm hoping that she takes this decision out of my hand.

Recipe - Sticky Barbecue Ribs - Superbowl 2015

When you walk into Costco and walk out with 10 lb of pork ribs (for two), a certain level of expectation follows.  Here it is, 5lb of meat, slowly cooked in the oven for 2.5 hours, meticulously turned every 20 min for the last hour (I set a timer).  It BETTER be good!  

And it was!  The meat melts off the bone in that gratifying manner, you wish it could go straight into your mouth.  The thick sweet sticky sauce coats the meat and your fingers.  I can't wait to reheat the leftovers tonight and see if it's as good as I remembered!

Sticky Barbecue Ribs

What to Cook and How to Cook It - Jane Hornby

Preparation time: 10 min

Cooking time: 2.5 hours

Serving: 6

1 clove garlic

3 tbsp tomato puree (I used tomato paste)

6 tbsp soy sauce

3 tbsp honey

2 tbsp red wine vinegar

2 tbsp dark brown sugar

1/2 tsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp tabsco sauce

2 tbsp worcestershire sauce

18 meaty pork spare ribs, about 4.5 lbs

1. Crush garlic, put in large bowl.  Add all of the other ingredients except the ribs.  Stir together and add ribs.  Toss well in the marinade and let stand for at least 1 hour at room temperature, or up to 24 hours in the fridge. 

2. Preheat oven to 350F. transfer ribs and all of their marinade into a large roasting pan, spreading out evenly.  COVER the pan tightly with foil, then bake the ribs for 1.5 hours.  Remove the foil, return ribs to oven for 1 hour more, turning them in the sauce every 20 min or so. 

3. When cooked, the ribs will be meltingly tender and coated with dark sticky sauce.  

Twinkles

He has twinkly eyes.  I thought that was just a figure of speech, a figment of imagination, wishful thinking.  But my husband really has twinkly eyes.  They don't twinkle all the time.  Only when he laughs at something really funny (as opposed to his more shallow, polite, fake laugh); when he smiles at me across the table (most of the time it's for no particular reason at all, maybe just a tender thought); and when he has had a good night sleep and wakes up much later than usual (maybe the morning sun has something to do with it).  He glances over at me and if I happen to be awake too... magical twinkles.

Our House...

We have been living here in this space for approximately one year and five months.  We have done a lot, but there is so much more to do.  I have to remind myself that decorating is a process, and we need to take our time.  Another part of me simply want to go online, click a few buttons, set my credit card on fire, and be done with it already.

2014 is the year we decorated a nursery.  I forget that sometimes.  In the beginning of the year (Presidents Day, Feb 17th to be exact) we purchased our bedroom set and decided to halt furniture spending for awhile... And we did, until May when we realized Baby Do is on the way.  Then began the all tormenting question of - changing table or no changing table??  To Ikea or Not to Ikea? Yes, hours and days and weeks of our free time has been spent debating the pros and cons of changing table versus dresser with changing top.  In the end (too close to the end!), we decided on a dresser and till this day (37 weeks and counting), still awaiting on its arrival!  Any day now!

Things this house screams out at me -

1. Finish the basement.  This is number one because I love my husband and I know he dreams about finishing the basement.  I still feel bad delaying this project into 2015 but new construction with new baby makes me nervous.  So spring, when the weather gets warmer and Baby Do is safely tucked away at day care, we will finish this basement.
2. Change the light fixtures.  This is number 1 on my list.  To say I can't stand the light fixtures that came with this house is an understatement.  I dream about the beautiful/modern statement pieces I would put in their places.  Even now... staring at my dining room... I'm thinking about the cast iron rectangular chandelier with iridescent lights...
3. Rugs.  This is easy and not so easy.  Rugs for my study and for master bathroom.
4. sitting pieces for my study.  This is tricky... Too big and it will look crowded/out of places.  Too small and it will look lonely.
5. Bigger desk for my study.
6. Window treatments.  This would probably be lower on my list.

That's all for now.  2015, no pressure.

37 weeks

37 weeks today.  Baby is getting big and her movements feel like shifting landscapes inside my belly. I can feel (what I imagine to be) an elbow here, some toes there.  It's all very cute and intense and surreal and at times even painful.  My favorite is when S puts his hands on my belly and feels her movements too.  He is so awed by even the slightest kick.

It's not all fun and cuteness of course.  I read somewhere that pregnancy is both so beautiful and so ugly.  That has been so true in my case.

11/13/2014 - 26 weeks

1/9/2015 - 34 weeks

A new birthday, A new haircut, and soon a brand new baby!  This BR dress has always been loose on me.  Now so snug I can no longer wear it after the birthday dinner. 

These days I'm worried about:

1. When is she coming??  

2. How she will change S and I, our slightly boring but completely peaceful and mostly harmonious world. 

3. Away from work and all that implies. 

Not a mommy yet...

This article resonates with me, and I have a feeling, a lot of my friends.  The problem with being mid thirties and becoming a mommy for the first time is there is so much of me that I don't want to give up, or even change.  My GNO with the girls, my small purses that holds only the wallet and the car key, my alone time with hubby where we do nothing but stare at each other and giggle, just to name a few...  Whenever someone says "your life will never be the same again", 99% of me believe them and prepare for the worst, but there is a small but ever so present 1% that thinks "we will just wait and see".

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/11/09/opinion/sunday/our-mommy-problem.html?referrer&_r=1

2014 Black Friday (and Monday and the week after)

This Thanksgiving I worked very odd hours - noon to 8pm - five days straight.  That put a damper on all the eating and shopping.  Somehow I still managed to do plenty of both, mostly on my own.  

I took it easy on Net-A Porter this year, mostly because their black friday sale didn't start until Cyber Monday!  I only order a couple of items and only keeping this one (so far).  Softest and highly functional cashmere gloves by FINDS at 40% off.   I'm waiting patiently for this aberrant 70 degree weather in Atlanta to blow through so I can wear them already!!

https://www.net-a-porter.com/product/470960/Finds/-rosie-sugden-leopard-intarsia-cashmere-gloves

This one is an impulse buy... Gucci boots!  They didn't even have it in my size!  But the beauty of Net-a-porter is free returns... and they are too beautiful (and too on sale) not to give it a chance.

https://www.net-a-porter.com/product/441616/Gucci/horsebit-detailed-nubuck-knee-boots

Anthropologie... I have been waiting on this one.  25% off and free shipping, I think that's as good as it gets on that website.  Today, for example, is 30% off but no free shipping.  By principal I'm against paying for shipping (and returns)... but I have a weak spot for them.

I have been waiting on these pillow cases to go on sale!  25% isn't much but it's better than regular priced... and since I have the quilt, I need the set.  I will never spend this much on pillow cases again... I will never spend this much on pillow cases again...

http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/A22606412.jsp#/

These socks I saw in the store, are so cute and soft I had a hard time putting them down.
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/33806811.jsp#/

What can I say, this pillow makes me smile...  every time.
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/33377425.jsp#/

Thanks to Cup of Jo, I discovered Terrain and made my purchases 15% off with free shipping.

Aren't these so sweet? 

http://www.shopterrain.com/holiday%2Dhome%2Dcandles/pure%2Dbeeswax%2Dtapers%2Dnatural/searchString/candle
http://www.shopterrain.com/sale%2Dhome/old%2Dworld%2Dtaper%2Dholder/searchString/candle

Pottery Barn picture frames along with the candle holders above are all for our new shelf project.  Stay tuned...

Things I covet... Birthday/Xmas edition

It's no coincidence this time of the year is the most expensive for my credit card.  Minutes after complaining to S about our spending this month on our way home from lunch (out), I order these online.  One for me and one for S!  It's not my fault his birthday is coming up in 5 days!!

As with everything I buy for S, there is a 50% return potential.  But who doesn't love cashmere, and this is such a classic cut.

In my pregnant state, cardigans are my friends.  There is the purple one I wore everywhere until the Chicago trip put it in the dry cleaners.  Maybe this can be another staple?  We shall see. 

I have been searching for booties for quite sometime.  Are these the one??  They are reasonably priced for sure.  I should just order them.  Is there a limit to how many times I can use my cc in one day???

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/tyler-florence-thanksgiving-dinner/?pkey=cthanksgiving-food&cm_src=thanksgiving-food||NoFacet-_-NoFacet-_--_-

For $400, you can have Thanksgiving dinner for 12 delivered to your door!  Plus extra 15.99 for shipping.  I recently cooked a brisket for 5 where the dinner costed me about $200.  I did have to buy a roasting pan for the 6 lb brisket!  My point is, $400 for a peace of mind may be well worth it!

More attainable... just the festive can makes me happy. 

See those small yet not-so-small starburst earrings by David Yurman?  Well... those have been on my mind for the past 360 days.  I have seen them twice in person, tried them on once, thought about them every time S mentions buying me something.  The thing is, I have always been proud of the fact that I'm not a jewelry person, thus feel (slightly) better about spending more liberally on purses and shoes.  But really, who doesn't love these.  So small, stunning, understated but wow.  Maybe if I'm good for the rest of the year...